PHOENIX RISING: AND WHAT IF YOU KILLED YOURSELF AND EVERYTHING WAS THE SAME EXCEPT NOW NO-ONE CAN SEE YOU? – I tried to figure out why I felt like I never belonged; why I felt like the “ugly duckling; or, the “black sheep”. My adopted mother and grandmother kept saying to me: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Why can’t we have a normal mother/daughter relationship?” In hindsight – there was nothing normal about our relationship.
Shaking The Foundation
You lie in bed, you close your eyes, you hear the sirens
You hold your own, your own is all you’ve got
Time is in torment; its pendulum is moving oh, so slowly
Look out! The sky could fall on you without a warning.
You cannot sleep, you watch TV, you get up early
What’s gone before, you don’t wish to recall
It will be better, a new day begins and with it new dreams
Yet you tremble like there’s a rumbling in the walls.
You look for work. You take a train. You find a paper
You watch the floor, it opens up on you
Among the strangers, you holler,
“Please, don’t let them take me!”
But if there’re saviours on this train they all forsake you.
And is there something shaking your foundation?
Is there something stirring in your soul?
Is there something got you hesitating?
Is there something, something blowing in your soul?
It could just happen
and you will not be the one left laughing
This time it’s real, and it’s cutting into you
It’s slicing through you,
you who have always been a winner
Up until now when what you’ve had to lose has mattered.
Some days some days are better, some days are easier to wake to
And then some days you could die before you start
You’d swallow poison if you thought it would be painless
But you did not come with guarantees,
it may not mean changes.
So, you must make your peace and be your own wings
And fly as high, as low has brought you down
Then you will rise up and feel the joy in your own living
And set the voices in your soul free for singing.